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Coping With Grief

Grief
When someone we love is ripped from our lives it is a shock to our entire system. We can quickly become overwhelmed by so many feelings as we try to wrap our head around the fact that someone was here one moment and gone the next. Sometimes people fall to their knees when they receive that horrible news, while other times it seems surreal or unimaginable and the news takes time to settle in. There is no right way to respond to the news of a loved ones death. How someone dies, though, may influence your feelings, including regrets, last memories, unspoken words, fears that run away with your imagination, and other factors around the death itself. It is not uncommon to feel paralyzed and unable to find a way forward in those early hours, days, and weeks. It is so important to take care of yourself and to ask for help.


Here are some things to consider:


  1. Lean on a trustworthy and dependable friend or family members –you may feel like you have a handle on the situation, but grief can be deceiving. A reliable friend can speak honestly with you and help guide you, especially through tough decisions.
  2. Be kind to yourself – grief can create a fog for quite some time. Life may seem fuzzy and confusing and that’s because it probably is at this time. Mistakes, forgetfulness, irritability, confusion, and other attributes that aren’t like you may have a strong presence for a while. That’s okay. There is nothing to hide.
  3. Don’t make any big financial decisions or unnecessary life altering changes – give grief time. Grief can change your perspective, which is not a bad thing, but as you settle into a new routing and a new normal, you may develop more clarity around how to move forward.
  4. Pace yourself – the shock of it all can be so confusing. Try to prioritize what you need to do versus what can wait.
  5. Give yourself permission – as Sheryl Sandberg, author of Option B, says, “lean into the suck” and do what you need to do to care for yourself and family.


Additional Resources


  1. TEDx Talks - Everything Around Them is Still There, Dealing with Sudden Loss


  2. TEDx Talks - Beyond Closure

Grief and the Holidays

Holidays are often loaded with traditions and so many reminders of the way things were. As a result of all the traditions and reminders, holidays are also full of memories, which can make these times very hard and painful. Managing the many feelings that accompany holidays is done best with advanced preparation, if you are able to do so. While kids and family members may want things to be as they always have been, life is different now and holidays do not have to be the way they were. In fact, they can never be exactly as they were, now that someone is missing. Traditions can change and holidays can be skipped if you and your family are not ready.


Many people say the time leading up to a holiday—the anticipation of it all—is the hardest.


Here are some things to consider:


  1. Identify ways to take a break from holiday reminders and triggers, especially on tv and at the store
  2. Manage expectations by telling family and friends how you are feeling about the holiday and what they should or should not expect from you
  3. Honor your feelings and needs
  4. Think of a new tradition
  5. Give yourself permission to take a break from it all